Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
