Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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