dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
