I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
