i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have fence marks all over my body
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
