for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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