She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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