That's intense
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
