Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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