He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
