We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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