Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
