I think I am morally bankrupt
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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