I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
