U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
