Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
