yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
