what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
