On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
please don't ironically join a cult
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