If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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