Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
