I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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