Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
