You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
