i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
