He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
