i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
