she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize