The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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