Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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