Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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