my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
