is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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