I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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