Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
