why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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