you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is Oprah even human
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
