i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
