Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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