I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
