Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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