Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
