yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
