I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
