Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
