Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize