I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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