Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
