I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
