the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
should my penis look like a turkey
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
