I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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