A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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