i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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