he puts the penis in happiness.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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