Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
