I am puke
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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