"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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