she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
