At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
