ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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