I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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