Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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