Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
