Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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