you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize