He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She bit a glass in half.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
