Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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