I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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