did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
