In the future we'll all be gay
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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