Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
