My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
