Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize