I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize